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Blowjob Humor

A guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment.
First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room.
The next room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire. The new guy immediately asks to see the third room.
It has a really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a gorgeous blonde. The guy jumps at the change and takes the room. The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder and says "okay, stop now, you've been relieved".

One bright sunny morning, a husband, turns to his lovely wife, and says, "Honey, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."
The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!"

"Look! We're going fishing and that's final."
"Do I have to go fishing with you...? I really don't want to go!"
"Okay then, I'll give you three choices... 1. You come fishing with me and the dog... 2. You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3. or you take it up the ass!"
The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!"
"Look, I've given you three options... You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, and when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!"
The wife sits and thinks about it.
Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well, what have you decided? Fishing with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?"
The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "Okay,  I'll give you a blow job!"
"Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her husband, and says, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all shitty!"
"Yep!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either."

Have you heard about "The Pirate Blowjob"? This is when you're getting a blowjob from your girlfriend / wife / lover and when you come you ejaculate in her eye and then kick her in the shin.

The result is the woman squinting through one eye and hopping up and down on one foot, holding her leg and screaming, "Arrrgh!"